Dad Kate


Recently in St.-Petersburg the scandal broke. The doctors refused to take the blood donor”. In this story, everything is unusual. Many were surprised to learn even that in St. Petersburg there are any people — transgender people. And there are actually tens of thousands, but they are invisible. Catherine Meszaros is a rare exception to the rule. She not only spoke openly about their transition from one sex to another, but were able to keep after that job, my friends and even a wife with two children.

photo: From personal archive

Wife Olga (left) and “husband” Kate.

Wife caught in a dress

Conflict with physicians First med is well resolved. After additional tests blood Catherine took.

In two months you can go back to pass, ” she says.

No medical, no legal obstacles to this. The law is only one caveat — do not take blood from people who have had organogenesis operation. And the reason is not important — gangrene, trauma or sex change. But Katherine did nothing of the sort and is not going. It only takes hormones similar to the ones used in birth control pills. From them change shape, facial features. And passport Katya also did not change…

According to the documents she’s still Arthur V. Mesarosh, 33 years old. He (then he) was born in Leningrad. Grew up a normal boy. From the 11th class met his future wife Olga. 10 years ago they got married, then had two children.

— For the first time that I’m uncomfortable in my male body, I began to think in adolescence. Looked at myself in the mirror, and I didn’t like how I look. I even went to do weightlifting, power weights, ” recalls Catherine. — That I really am a woman, I tried not to think. I told myself that it is wrong, abnormal, it’s a perversion. In General, went through all the labels that society put on people like me. Finally realized that I’m a transgender woman 25 years. And became very scared. I’ve struggled with myself, but as you can see, to no avail…

About the men’s past Catherine really is a little reminiscent of that. In the interview, she came in a MIDI skirt, a Flirty blouse and heels. And manicure, makeup, jewelry.

— Many transgender women go through a period when they begin to understand themselves and to try on women’s clothes sister or mother. I have no sisters. And my mother dressed modestly and like a man, dresses was scarce, mostly pants. So the first time I tried your wife’s skirt. Fortunately we have a one-size — says Catherine. At the time, was a popular group “Cossacks”, where young people danced in heels. This so spoke to me that I decided to try it too. Wearing shoes, they skirt. Heels, of course, was first uncomfortable. It is now, I can spend days on them not to shoot. And at first I just liked how I look. Remember sitting on the couch and enjoyed.

But one day, his wife Olga caught the then Arthur in her clothes. Had a serious talk, to explain.

— I confessed to dressing up. On complete transfer of speech did not go, — says Ekaterina.

Olga accepted it.

There is a solution

Note that wife Catherine Olga is a psychologist by training. It was easier to understand what is happening. In most cases, in such a situation, wives leave “changed” men.

I know a couple of examples, when the family broke up after the coming out (public acknowledgement in the sex change, literally “exit”. — Ed.) one of the spouses, — says Ekaterina.

She herself lucky. It seems that the choice Meszaros stood between the family and self-determination. The chances that a wife will understand and not go, were not so much. And you would think that a transgender person would betray the closest person for women’s clothing. It is actually the opposite.

— About seven years until there was my struggle with myself, I had constant depression, dissatisfaction. It’s not the best way affected the relations in the family. So the choice was either sure to lose a wife, or to admit and expect that it will remain. But it was very scary, ” says Catherine.

Last year Meszaros was a man — a young guy with friends drinking in bars, with a stern voice, Mr. son. And in the evening dressed in women’s attire and went with the same friends at themed parties.

And only then, will I feel human, free, happy. Over and over again was harder and harder to return home to once again put assigned to me by society suit. One day I was sitting with my girlfriend in the kitchen and talked about then seemed a pipe dream that I don’t have to dress up like a man. I also could not think that in a couple of months will be resolved, ” explains Catherine.

In November 2015 it was announced his decision to his wife. In December admitted to work at corporate picked up the microphone and announced that now she is not Arthur, and Kate. Colleagues were in shock. They began to ask questions only a month later. By March, Catherine gradually shifted to women’s outfits.

— I was lucky with work (Catherine — chemist-programmer in a small company. — Ed.) no I was not turned away. And among the friends there were those who condemned. One friend hated gays. And his reaction was predictable. He gave a brilliant gem: “I thought that being a homosexual is the worst thing that can happen. But now I’m even gay got a much better attitude”. That is transgender in his understanding — much better.

The big secret for the son

Separately had to explain to the son, who is nine years old (daughter of two years and until easier).

— I built the apartment Nora out of pillows and blankets. We climbed, ate chips, drank lemonade, ” says Catherine. — I told him about the trust in the family, for understanding. Then said that I want to share with him a big secret, and told me. Said, “Understand?” He replied: “Yes. You can go to play?”

No family tragedy did not happen. No one was unhappy. The second mother for the children Catherine had not turned. But dad ceased to be.

I suggested the son call me Katya. The first time he told dad Kate. On the streets and in the shops this caused great surprise among people. Then we have reassessed. Now he turns to me just Katya.

By the way, the name Catherine transgender chose austere. But this at the birth of Arthur she never liked.

— Another good name is Alice, but it’s taken my daughter, ” smiles Catherine.

She now love to know the women of joy: every morning to put on makeup, and wear heels for her high.

I finally began to get pleasure from shopping. First choice shirts were delayed for hours, and I did not like it. Now my ears keep shopping, ” says Catherine. — And I don’t have to play the role of a strict father. No, I never punish children, not beat them. But even phrases like: “I’m coming dad and scolded” enough for the son to become me to be afraid. Now this is not, everything is negotiable.

In relations with his wife the role also has shifted somewhat. But Olga is still mainly engaged in household chores, and Catherine is making money. They cannot be called husband and wife, but they continue to live together. And Yes, now they are in fact lesbians.

Catherine plans to do a sex change operation. The only thing she would not have refused to change the documents. But it’s hard.

I can’t change my passport because I don’t want to destroy your marriage. Current laws prohibit to Russia to paint same-sex couples. My wife and I long ago checked in our relationship, long before this whole thing with a transgender. But who knows how it’ll consider a sex change in the documents the employees of the registry office. Besides, I can’t be sure that tomorrow will not pass a law that forbid to consider same-sex couples families. So between the inconvenience of documents and family I choose the latter. And we have to endure. For example, the passport control at the border — not the most pleasant moments in my life.

Their name is Legion

In General it turned out that studying law is an integral part of life, if you’re transgender. Even with her son, Catherine is forced not just to communicate, and to make amendments and derogations to no one has accused it of violating rules prohibiting the propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations among minors.

Yeah, I honestly tell the child that the transgender people are not socially equal to heterosexuals, as required by the Administrative code.

By the way, most transgender people in St. Petersburg live, not posing. Some do not dare to admit, dare not even change. Others completely change their lives, documents, cuts all ties with relatives and friends and turn into people without a past. And in the present nobody knows who they are.

I know 20 people, activists, and about 30 come periodically to our hangouts, online forums in St. Petersburg and Moscow will gather approximately a hundred, — says Ekaterina. But studies in countries loyal to LGBT people, show that society is on average 0.1–0.2% transgender. That is, in five-million Petersburg, us 5-10 thousand people.

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